Welcome to In Process

Sharing my writing online and facing my fears

Blooming almond trees in Madrid during the spring

I’ve always wanted to share my writing online but never quite mustered up the courage and self-belief to do so. I would start a blog and publish maybe two posts and then forget about it. Or I would come up with a few ideas and never follow through. 

The easy explanation for my lack of follow-through is that I’m lazy or can’t commit, but over the years I’ve realized that I’m just scared. I’m scared of what people will think. I’m scared of not measuring up to who I think I should be. I’ve let fear prevent me from acting on what my soul has been calling me to do. 

I’ve been waiting for my fears to get smaller, but the longer I wait, the longer they stay. I don’t want my fears to take up so much space. As cliché as it is to say, I want to feel the fear and do it anyway. I want to write for the joy of it. I want to write because it makes me feel alive. I want to write because I feel less alone when I do, and I want to connect with others so they know they aren’t alone either. 

This is a process. Hence, the name of this Substack. I know my fears won’t ever go away. I’ll always need to overcome them, but at least I’ll be living while doing so. 

Whenever I feel impatient and want to get to the other side, I remind myself that everything is a process. If I try to rush it to escape the discomfort, I’m missing out on the lessons. I’m missing out on my evolution. I no longer strive to be a finished product. I’m in process. I’m constantly growing and evolving, never static. 

I want this newsletter to explore my thoughts and be a safe place to connect and share stories. I don’t have everything figured out. I don’t have an outline or an agenda. I’m just choosing to trust that I’ll figure it out as I go. 

I wrote an Instagram post about trying to do things simply because I want to, not because I feel I have something to prove. I guess this is my why for creating this newsletter. I’m trying really hard to fight the urge to prove myself.

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Things I’m Processing Lately:

A Renaissance of Our Own: A Memoir and Manifesto on Reimagining by Rachel Cargle is a memoir about defying societal expectations and staying true to one’s core values to create an authentic life. Rachel writes about reimagining relationships, work, education, rest, and more. Truly enjoyed this book. I redefined what my core values are: growth, freedom, ease, and connection.

Finished season 2 of The Bear and while the dialogue was frustrating at times, I loved the attention to detail in the camera shots and the character development. I laughed so hard at the scene of Richie singing Taylor Swift’s Love Story in the car. 

You Exist Too Much by Zaina Arafat is a literary fiction about a Palestinian-American bisexual woman who struggles with trauma, her sexuality, and her sense of belonging. It’s a beautifully written book. I found myself rereading sentences because the prose was just so stunning.

This podcast episode by Hidden Brain is about overconsumption and the endless dopamine-seeking cycle. When does pleasure become too much?

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