The Side Effects of Trying Something New
Warning: You may experience some shame and emotional discomfort
When I try something new, my mind isn’t a comforting place to be. It’s like I have a little demon jumping around, flinging insults at me every hour of the day. He tells me I’m not good enough. “Trying is pointless,” he says. “You’re going to fail anyway.” He’s relentless, and he’s always out for blood.
I started my tutoring job a few weeks ago, and this demon (he doesn’t have a name) has been living in my head rent-free. But this time, instead of succumbing to his abusive tactics, I’m trying something new.
Instead of believing every putdown, I talk to myself gently. Instead of trying not to make any mistakes, I give myself a reality check. I tell her that making mistakes is inevitable; there’s no way around that. Being uncomfortable is a part of the process.
On my first day of tutoring a student without a mentor to evaluate me, my nerves took over. I forgot to ask important questions. I had a hard time understanding the lesson plan, and I’m pretty sure I did one of the lessons wrong.
After my sessions ended for the night, I was consumed with shame. Will I ever get this right? The thing is, when you try something new, you never get it right on the first try. That’s pretty much a guarantee. I had to remind myself that it was okay to make mistakes.
Even though I faced this new challenge head on knowing I was going to make mistakes, it didn’t take away the pain of making them or the embarrassment of feeling like an idiot. The only difference is that I was able to move through the discomfort. I was able to be curious about what I did wrong and learn from it so I could do better next time.
I’m convinced that I’ll probably always be afraid of making mistakes when I learn something new. It’ll always be confronting to address my fears head on and do the scary thing anyway. I shouldn’t try to avoid these uncomfortable feelings by not going after what I want.
Every time I choose the self-compassionate thought instead of the shame-fueled thought, I prove to myself that I can withstand discomfort. Every time I break free from the chains of my mind, I prove to myself that I can overcome any challenge.
We can’t avoid hard things. It just makes them harder. We can’t run away. Sooner or later life will knock us on our ass, and then we’ll be forced to face the lesson that’s begging to be learned. What’s the lesson that you need to learn?
Things I’m Processing Lately
- I watched Born in Gaza on Netflix this past weekend. It was filmed after the Gaza war in 2014 and examines the effects the ongoing violence has on Palestinian children. It really opened my eyes and left me pondering the following questions: Who gets to dream? Who gets to be safe? Who gets to be free?
- I’m listening to Thicker Than Water by Kerry Washington, and she narrates it in true Kerry Washington fashion. I was surprised by how much Kerry and I have in common. I related to being a people pleaser and a perfectionist.
- I’m rewatching Gilmore Girls, and I’ve been having fun discussing the show in the Gilmore Girls subreddit.
- I’ve been dancing and singing while I cook and it’s such a fun way to practice being in the moment.
- I made this Roasted Butternut Squash Gnocchi Soup without the gnocchi. It was the best soup I’ve ever made.
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I really enjoyed this article. I’m impressed by your self awareness and the steps you are taking to transform your thinking. You have such a kind and sweet spirit, and you deserve the kindness and sweetness you share with others. I think the book, “The Battlefield of the Mind” by Joyce Meyer would be helpful in this area.
“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.”
Philippians 4:8 NIV