Brain Dump pt. 2
perfectionism disguised as writer's block, the desire to bloom into the spring version of myself, and finding meaning during difficult times.
In my art journal, I wrote “ You’re allowed to exist. There is beauty in the mess” as a reminder to let go of control. Instead of going with the flow and with what feels natural, I’ve been contorting myself into a version who always has her shit together when that isn’t me. I’m kind of messy. I’m not a complete slob, but I’m also not prim and proper. A little bit of chaos feels right to me. I enjoy life more when I allow myself to be a mess.
Art journaling has been a game-changer for me. It allows me to get out of my head and into my body/the present moment. I’m trying to challenge myself not to look for the perfect color to express myself or the perfect quote. I’m letting my intuition guide me, and I’m always surprised.
I’ve been thinking about comfort zones lately. On my vision board, I have this quote “Great things never came from your comfort zone.” Now that spring has arrived, I feel inspired to put myself out there more. I feel inspired to take on challenges that winter me was too scared to take on. I want to transform into a vibrant version of myself who takes on opportunities without a second thought. An overnight transformation isn’t realistic, so baby steps.
I’ve been struggling with writer’s block, but I think what I’ve been struggling with is self-censorship. I have all of these ideas for newsletters and short stories I want to write, but when I sit down to write, the words don’t seem to flow the way I want them to. And I think perfectionism is getting in the way. I want every newsletter to be the best I’ve ever written, but that isn’t realistic and it takes the fun out of creating. My main intention for creating this newsletter was to express myself and connect with people. I need to stop getting in my way.
This newsletter was supposed to be about how we find meaning during difficult times, but it didn’t come out the way I wanted it to. Maybe someday I’ll write more about it, but I’ll say this for now. How we find meaning doesn’t happen immediately. We’re so desperate for meaning that we forget to simply feel our feelings and exist. Finding meaning also doesn’t happen all at once. It happens slowly over time, and it’s most certainly not passive. We find meaning in the living and in the relationships we have with our loved ones. Wisdom is earned.
Things I’ve Been Processing Lately
-I watched the movie Past Lives this weekend. It’s about childhood sweethearts and how they reconnect over time. I love how this film explores the complexity of relationships and how they still have value even if the outcome isn’t what we desire.
-I loved AWoman Is No Man by Etaf Rum and Lawn Boy by Jonathan Evison. Currently reading Giovanni’s Room by James Baldwin and the writing is beautiful and hypnotizing.
-Loving Beyonce’s new album! RIIVERDANCE and II HANDS II HEAVEN are on repeat.
“I enjoy life more when I allow myself to be a mess.” I love this quote and it really resonates with me as a toddler mom. I am learning to enjoy my life even if it isn’t always perfect. Thanks for the new newsletter. Please keep writing, even if it’s only a paragraph. I look forward to reading every one. I love you. ❤️