All the Things I Wanted to Write About but Couldn't

Photo by Jan Kahánek on Unsplash

I didn’t plan on going this long without publishing a newsletter. In fact, over the last few months, I’ve had plenty of ideas. I thought about writing about my mom’s ninth death anniversary and what her death has taught me about grief.

I thought about writing about getting braces in preparation for double jaw surgery. I jotted these ideas down, but something kept me from hitting publish. My thoughts didn’t feel complete. There was always a reason to keep them safely stored in a Google Doc: That sentence is choppy. That idea isn’t fully fleshed out. Will anyone relate to that? That idea isn’t original.

I had a plan for what I wanted to write about in anticipation of 2025. I wanted to write about how I dread December and January, the end-of-year lists and Influencer reels boasting about big trips, and how it was the best year of their lives. I wanted to write about how we measure our years by the big accomplishments and gloss over mundane days that make up our lives.

I wanted to write about how growth happens so slowly that we almost miss it. I wanted to write about how inspiring it is to watch my students grow and how vulnerable it is to try something new. I wanted to write about how the small, consistent efforts pay off over time.

I wanted to write about how I look at challenges differently. Last year was challenging and this year will probably be the same. I will most likely undergo double jaw surgery if everything goes as planned, and the idea of having major surgery is overwhelming.

I concluded that challenges are inevitable. I can’t outrun them. Robert Frost really did his thing when he said “The only way out is through.” If challenges are inevitable, then I want to approach them constructively.

I started asking myself, “Who do I want to be in the midst of a challenge?” I want to be the kind of person who faces challenges head-on. I want to be a creative problem solver. This new approach kept me accountable and grounded.

The writing on the page isn’t the work. Challenging my inner critic and showing up anyway is the work. Every time I show up to the blank page (figuratively and literally), I’m so much braver for it.

---

Things I’ve Been Processing Lately

• I Who Have Never Known Men by Jacqueline Harpman. This is a dystopian novel about 39 women who are imprisoned underground in a cage. This was a bit of a letdown for me. It was well-written, but it was too ambiguous for my taste. I get that it was the point of the book, but I was expecting more.

• Americanah by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie. Read this for the first time 10 years ago and decided to read it again. I loved this book for its depth and masterful storytelling. So many layers to uncover.

• Clairo’s Sexy to Someone cover by Olivia Dean. I think I like this more than the original: